State Jobs

I went to the state employment bureau yesterday to get some information about the state job testing process.

You can learn a lot at the state employment office.

My plan had been to get in to the office, grab a brochure, get out.  Nobody ever told me that this doesn't happen at the state employment office.  

I walked in to the office (I'm not sure if it's relevant, but I think it's fair to point out that I was wearing mismatched clothes and hadn't showered in two days) and said, "I am applying for a state job, and the website says I need to take a test."  Only I didn't know which test.  So, I had to stand in line for about a half hour to find out.  Which is okay.  There are consequences for not having your shit together in life.  I mean, really, I have some recent experience with this.

Strangely, it would seem that other unemployed people also don't have their shit together, because the line got longer behind me.

So, I'm standing in line, and I feel a tap on my shoulder.  "Hey, see that over there?"

I turn around, see a man in his mid fifties, full head of white hair.  Heavy.  Imagine Bill Clinton if he had been raised in the Midwest and hadn't gone to Harvard.

Me: "See what?"

"That."

Me: "It's a computer."

"No. THAT."

Me: "You mean the women in front of the computer?"

"Yeah"

Me: "Oh.  That's THEM, not THAT."

My line buddy looks irritated, but he talks anyway.

"You know why they look that way?"

Me: "Um, are you talking about them being Mexican?"

"No.  Yeah.  Well, not them BEING Mexican.  About them being fat.  Because they're Mexican."

I'm really feeling uncomfortable at this point.  But I'm not giving up my spot in line.  So, I go silent.  

Three minutes later.

"Corn."

Me: "What?"

"Corn.  Mexican people eat corn.  That's why they're all pear shaped because if you eat corn, you end up shaped like corn."

I resist the urge to point out that he actually  said pear shaped first, and yet he wasn't blaming pears.  I'm busy thinking about this silently for at least a minute.  

Tap tap tap.

"Do you eat beef in a tube from Walmart?"

Me: "Yeah, now I do.  I'm here because I would like a job so I can avoid that."

"Don't be a cheap shit.  We're talking about your health.  You don't want to look like them, do you?"

Me: "I don't eat much corn."  I don't point out that every single one of those women has better hair than me.  Every one.  And I like the fattest one's shoes.  Can corn give me those shoes?

"That beef in a tube comes from 400 Chinese cows."

The career counselor for the state called me at that point. 

I turn around and say, "Hey, I'm up" to my line buddy.  In his hand? A jug of Sunny D.